How To Deal With Disappointment

Everyone gets disappointed at some point. Moms express their disappointment at the actions of their 6 year-old when they hit another boy. Fathers express their disappointment to teenage daughters in the hopes that the outward expression becomes a lesson to make better choices. Bosses express their disappointment on performance reviews in the hopes of motivating the affected employee. Teachers express their diappointment because they know the student isn't applying him or herself.

These are all expressions of outward disappointment in someone else. But what happens when disappointment is focused inward - when things don't turn out the way we had hoped?

There are some things in life that you just don't have any control over and there are other things that are within your control. Understanding which is which will help you to bounce back quicker from disappointment - to develop a resilience attitude.

Planning for months to visit the Grand Canyon only to be turned back by a snowstorm, a rained out family picnic, a power outage during your wedding reception or a cancelled flight to an important meeting are all things out of your control. You have no control over the weather, the electric company or the airlines. It's fine to feel disappointed for a short while but it isn't the end of your life. You can try again tomorrow.

However, disappointment about how much you get paid, your job-performance review, your golf score, that promotion you really want, your relationships at home and how your money is budgeted are all within your control. Only you determine how valuable you are to the company, how well you do your job, how much you practice at golf, how you self-improve to be the logical choice to be promoted, how hard you work at your relationship and how you spend your money. No one else is to blame for your results.

You have no control over other people, things or events outside of yourself. But you have complete control over your reaction to those things. You also have ALL of the control over every part of your life that involves YOU and your results.

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Attitude w/ ATTITUDE by Kevin Burns - Corporate Attitude/Culture Strategist

Creator of the 90-Day Strategy to Greatness Culture


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Crushed on American Idol

"You can accomplish anything you want to." One of the more ridiculous of statements from the motivational speakers. NO you can't. American Idol is proof positive.

I've noticed an interesting trend on the preliminary rounds of Idol in the last few weeks. The contestants who come in to the audition with a pompous attitude and false bravado touting their (ahem) talent aren't making the cut. Kids that have been praised (perhaps even overpraised) by their families and friends for their marginal singing ability are crushed when they don't make it. Tears, swearing and tirades of parents outside the room mockingly offering, "what do you know Simon Cowell?" are commonplace on prime-time TV.

But those with a silent "knowing,"a humble demeanor and a truckload of talent are the ones who are on their way to Hollywood. They don't need to boast about their talent. They let their talent speak for them.

It really seems to be true: the loudest one in the room is usually the weakest one in the room.

Now if only there were a pre-qualifying round to weed out the talentless, the preeners and the delusionals, I might be able to sit through an entire hour without wondering why parents won't be brutally honest with their kids. It's a shame to find out you have no talent in front of millions of people when your parents could have saved you the embarrassment by simply being honest instead of trying to coddle your delicate, little self-esteem - only to have it stomped on and crushed on international television.

Thanks Mom and Dad. Great attitude (wink). And don't get me started on beauty pageants for five year-olds. There's a psych ward waiting for those parents.
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Attitude w/ ATTITUDE by Kevin Burns - Corporate Attitude/Culture Strategist

Creator of the 90-Day Strategy to Greatness Culture


Subscribe to Kevin's Attitude with ATTITUDE Blog by Email
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Donald Trump Is No Leader

I am astounded that so many people when asked the same question (can you define leadership?) can have so many varying answers. What has become clear is that there is NO universally accepted definition of leadership. Why, because leadership is not tangible. It is not something you can hold in your hand. It is not something you can define. It does not exist in the material way and there are as many opinions on it as people walking the Earth.

With that being said, if someone promises that they can make you a leader in exchange for money, you are dealing with a charlatan. If it can not be defined specifically, you shouldn't pay money to anyone who promises it to you.

A parent is as much a leader as a CEO could ever aspire to be. Therefore, leadership is NOT exclusive to the workplace. Leadership has NOTHING to do with work. It is a character trait, a state of mind, an attitude. How do you define an attitude?

You will never get people to follow you by simply checking off a list of traits. That definition of leadership is too cerebral. Leadership is a state of being, a way in which we walk the Earth. The belief or promotion of leadership being exclusive to the workplace is simply a money-grab: a way to market services to improve "leadership" even though it cannot be defined. Our thirst for being out front (the need for title of "leader") is so great, we are willing to pay handsome figures to people who have never done it to teach us how it's done.

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT: The truth is, people follow people they want to follow. There is no explanation for that. People who are natural leaders are people whom others wish to emulate. But if you are going to follow someone, it has got to be about following the person and not their results (money, power, fame). The accumulation of "stuff" is not what makes a leader. The Dalai Llama is a far better example of leadership than Donald Trump. People follow Trump for his power, money and fame when the world would be a different place if we'd all follow the Dalai Llama's example of treating our fellow man.

I'm not promoting any religion here. I'm making a point. Ruthless is not leadership. Money is not leadership. Power is not leadership. Fame is not leadership. But decency is. Making the world a better place is. Courtesy and caring is. When we as Corporate America learn to follow decency instead of thirsting for power, we'll finally start seeing the real leaders emerge - not these pompous, arrogant, egotists that we currently refer to as leaders.

Oh, and if you use the word "leader" to describe what you do, you aren't one. Get over yourself.

Consequence of Consequence-Free

Consequences are the guideposts of your moral compass. If there were no consequences, people would run roughshod over each other. Items in your garage would be stolen by your neighbors. Police forces would become irrelevant. You would leave the doors unlocked. Business would hire Grade 6 dropouts into senior management positions. You get the idea. Anarchy.

So what happens when you take an individual who has been raised in a virtually consequence-free environment and place him into a corporate environment where there are rules, expectations, structure, failure, mistakes, unfulfilled promises and bosses who are unforgiving? Think this visual over.

That's exactly what many parents are doing to their kids - raising them in a consequence-free environment. They try to protect their kids from falling down, skinning a knee, falling out of a tree and experiencing bullies. Parents interfere with the educational process and tell teachers what grade their child should be getting. They strip a child's competitive nature by celebrating a participant ribbon instead of 1st place. They raise their children in houses that are beyond large and buy anything the child wants so they never have to go without. They lie to their children telling them they can be anything they want even though they're too short to end up in the NBA and too fat for supermodel work. But they're still special.

Those same kids grow up to enter the work world and find out in short order that they're not special – they’re average at best perhaps even below-average in social-skills and maturity. They learn they can't be anything they want to be. They come face-to-face with the office bully and don't know how to handle it. They disappoint their bosses. They fail. They miss their targets. They lose a job. They live in dinky apartments because it's what they can afford. They drive a beat-up crap car. They suck with money because they've never had to earn it or handle it before. They end up moving back home with mom and dad because they haven't learned anything about life in their whole lives.

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT: Parents, if you want your children to grow up to be something special, stop doing it all for them. Make them work. Make them earn. Make them do charity work. Make them encounter and face-off with bullies. Let them hurt themselves so they learn where boundaries are. Let them earn respect. They are not entitled to it.

Forty percent of kids coming into the workforce today say they would lie, cheat and sabotage others to get ahead. This, mom and dad, is what you taught them. They learned this from having no consequences. You can be real proud. Zero morals, ethics and values. Good job Mom. Good job Dad.

Look, if you want your child to be tomorrow's leader then at least arm them with a few leadership skills, basic stuff they can use in the real world like accountability, responsibility and consequence. They'll be more prepared to make a difference and less inept at caring for you when you get too old to look after yourself.