Being Liked And Being Respected

How come you don't say what's on your mind? How come you hold it in? You want people to like you don't you? And you're afraid that if you deal with the stuff that's been bothering you, then you may not be liked anymore. Well get over it. You don't need to be liked anyway. Being liked is the chicken's way out. Given the choice, you should prefer to be respected far more than wanting to be liked. Being liked is the short-term approach whereas being respected is what everyone should be aiming for.

There has been much talk about how one generation seems to perhaps not hold the same amount of respect for others as another generation. It may be true but maybe not. What seems to be true is that everyone wants to be respected regardless of generational differences.

Respecting others means respecting yourself as well. Just rolling over, laying down and taking the beating it is not respectful at all. It is disrespectful to both you as well as to the other person because you are no longer offering them your very best. When you lay down and allow others to run over you, or at the very least, take advantage of you, you are not offering your best. In fact, you are offering your worst and that is terribly disrespectful.

When you hold your frustrations and irritations in, you try to convince yourself that it's not that bad. But you still end up holding a resentment towards the other person. There is no way for you to be respectful of someone else or work in a positive way with someone with whom you hold any trace of resentment.

So if the office dork (because that's what you call him - maybe worse) who leaves an empty coffee pot on a burner ticks you off because he doesn't start a new pot, then don't hold it in anymore. Take it to him and respectfully (not timidly) tell him that you expect him to offer more respect to the rest of the staff by replenishing the coffee. Maybe he just doesn't get it because he has a subservient spouse who looks after little things like this. Maybe he's forty-five years old and still lives with his mom. Either way, you need to teach him a lesson from the adult world - you know, the real adult world where you have your own place to live and you don't have someone cleaning up your mess for you.

Other employees talk about this guy don't they? How respectful is it letting other people grumble and whine about this guy behind his back? You're letting him hang himself out to dry. That's not respectful at all. Show a little class by telling him what you are all thinking. And if he doesn't like you anymore because you told him the truth, well that's OK. You didn't like him either and you harbored resentment. You are no further behind.

Deal with your squabbles and irritants before they fester into great big issues that can't be resolved. Respect yourself and others will respect you too. After all, you can't give respect if you don't have any for yourself. You can not give away that which you do not possess.
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An Attitude Of Trust

Trust is NOT something you earn. In fact, if you are ever put in a place where you feel you have to earn trust, it means you were mistrusted prior. That's a horrible place to start in business, in friendships and in relationships. If you mistrust out of the gate, you've got some serious "baggage" you need to sort out.

You either trust someone or you don't. Black and white. There's no middle ground. You can't sort of trust someone. If you think there's a middle ground, you need an Attitude Adjustment.

We trust people until they give us a reason to not trust them.

Starting out with a feeling of mistrust for every single person, every single organization, every single new idea is not how you do business. If the whole world thought that way, new companies would never get off the ground, new employees would never be hired, new salespeople would have EVERY door slammed in their faces, every new innovation or idea would be summarily dismissed if we didn't trust people to be basically honest, good people.

Trust is given until proven otherwise.

However, earning respect? That's a whole different discussion. And don't argue semantics here - trust and respect are very different traits. Be very clear on the distinction. People trust you when you first meet them. Now, what you say and do will earn their respect.

You Don’t Have To Go To Meetings

Recently, I was chosen to address the full staff of a small municipality – everything from Administration and Social Services personnel to Fire, Police, Library, Recreation and Public Works staff. This was their annual Staff Day, a half-day session to inform all of the members of the municipal government staff of what was happening with new projects, new staff additions and new directions for the coming year. I was brought in to wrap up the morning offering a new perspective and a new attitude towards work, safety and developing a personal leadership role within the job environment.

During the early part of the meeting, while representatives from each department were addressing their updates to inform the rest of the staff of the goings-on, a few employees sitting in the back row decided that it was more important to chatter amongst themselves instead of keeping up to speed on what their own employer and organization was doing and how it may affect them, their work and the community in which they live and work. There was little respect or courtesy being demonstrated by these few workers especially during the part of the program in which the CAO was addressing the topics of Respect, Trust and Integrity.

Just prior to my session commencing, there was an open forum to ask questions. One back-of-the-room disruptor muttered under their breath loud enough for others around them to hear, “Do we have to be here?”

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT: No you don’t have to be here. You don’t have to attend any staff meetings. You don’t have to show up at work on time. You don’t have to endure three hours of coffee, donuts and free pizza for lunch. You don’t have to give your attention on the job. You don’t have to be considerate to your fellow workers. And no, you don’t have to sit through a boring meeting. Simply hand in your resignation and you’re free to do whatever you want.

However, if you take the job, you need to suck it up. You take all of the meetings, the procedures, the bosses, the whining of your co-workers, the hours, the holidays, the paycheck and the benefits you’re entitled to. You don’t have to do any of the jobs you don’t like – but you will have to give up everything you do like in order to stop doing what bores you. Some parts of the job are not as much fun as other parts of the job, granted. But they are all necessary.

My guess is that the Staff day was developed in response to, “How come no one ever tells us what’s going on?” I’m willing to bet those comments came from the people in the back row who chose not to pay attention anyway. And in a few weeks they’ll ask, “How come no one told us this was going on?”

Full kudos to the Administration for bringing the staff together to communicate what is happening with the municipality. They demonstrated respect, trust and integrity with their employees. Too bad not everyone reciprocated.

People who show no respect for their fellow workers will likely show little respect to their work, their equipment, their responsibilities, their co-workers, their bosses and their customers. Would it be a loss if these people left the job? Really?