Ten Strategies To Never Get Promoted

Why would you want to sabotage your own career - to be relegated to the ranks of the "constantly overlooked" or to become the cause of poor office morale? Well, it's not like people set out to do it on purpose but that doesn't mean they don't still find creative and unconscious ways to ensure that they never get a promotion or, Heaven forbid, a management position.

There are hundreds of ways to never get a promotion but in the list below are ten of the top suggestions if you're really searching for creative ways to ensure that you live a life of quiet (or not so quiet) desperation. Laid out here are ten surefire ways to make sure you are overlooked for promotion, recognition, alienation on the job and to become the brunt of jokes by your co-workers.

I know you're waiting impatiently to find out how you too can professionally shoot yourself in the foot, so here we go.

1. Never offer a compliment - You want to make sure that you are never heard uttering a compliment to any of your co-workers or bosses because offering a compliment would simply show the bosses within earshot of just how much better your co-worker is at the job than you.

2. Never smile - When you smile, you give the impression that you are having fun and enjoying your work or, worse yet, that you are a happy person. You certainly don't want to offer any indication that you are anything but moody, self-absorbed, angry and despising your work.

3. Shoot down co-worker ideas at staff meetings - Look, if you let one staff member's idea gain ground, people might like the idea and thank your co-worker for making the suggestion. At which point you will be confronted in having to offer a compliment - see strategy #1 for clarification.

4. Always bring the conversation back to you - If a co-worker leans on you for advice, do not offer any but instead offer up a far more gut-wrenching story of how much more hard-done-by you actually are. Their problems will seem minor in comparison to yours.

5. Treat your co-workers as though they're idiots - you already know that you have a superior intellect so make sure that your co-workers know that you're so much brighter. Otherwise, they will never admit it to themselves and never get any smarter. Make sure you voice your opinion on the promotion of someone who is clearly dumber than you.

6. Laugh at co-workers who do self-improvement - point out their flaws and illustrate how the things they are improving about themselves really aren't worth the effort anyway. Make sure you point out more things that they really need to work on. Besides, learning really is only for losers.

7. Always be right - win every argument. You must ensure that no matter what the discussion, no matter how well-versed you are in the subject, no matter how many people may be against you, always win by arguing your co-workers into submission until they give up and walk away. Never back down. And if you're wrong, raise your voice and make stuff up to baffle your opponent.

8. Be petty - make sure that you argue about every little thing. Also, make sure whatever is being argued is meaningless and the effort spent to argue the point is a complete waste of everyone's time. You will have achieved success when your co-worker either screams, throws their hands in disgust or swears at you. Until you witness one of these three, do not let go of the petty argument.

9. Blackmail your co-workers - if your co-workers are not willing to see your point of view, offer to blackmail them by threatening to spread rumours about them. People love to be talked about and people love to talk about other co-workers. See, there really is a use for office-gossip.

10. Pretend you're an expert in things you know nothing about - Tell your co-workers how to do their jobs even if you've never done the work. I mean, how hard can it be anyway? This gets its best results when you are new to the organization, are meddling in other departments in which you have zero experience or you read a Blog post once from some nobody which has apparently made you a vicarious expert.

And there you have it - the top ten ways to commit corporate hari-kari. And it's easier than it looks. After all, who wouldn't want to be working under a recently promoted, know-it-all, morally superior, self-absorbed, intellectually-deluded jerk who is not in command of his or her Emotional Intelligence? And what boss wouldn't want to promote someone who treats others with contempt to a position of power?

Attitude Adjustment: Contempt for others is not a workplace attitude. It's a emotional problem that needs addressing by professionals before it creates toxicity and volatility in the workplace. Contempt reaches far beyond just the ranks of the workers - it touches customers, clients and eventually communities. Contempt can not be contained. Therefore, it needs to be dealt with severely.

If you want to create a decent workplace, hire decent people, promote decent people to supervisory positions and, most important of all, create an anger-management program in your workplace or get rid of the toxic elements altogether. And NO NOT offer a good reference for people like this. That's just moving the problem on to someone else.

Leadership is an Attitude. Management is a position of responsibility. If you have employees that need help or guidance, get it for them. Not just because it's the right thing to do, but because it sends a message to your people that certain behaviours are not tolerated. It also says that you have compassion and that you will look after your people if they are prepared to look after themselves.
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A Punch Line – Not A Punch

Standing in line at the checkout recently, I overheard this conversation:

Customer: “Whoa, wait a sec. How much was that?”

Clerk: (puzzled) “A dollar?”

Customer: “OK but what about this?” (pointing to another checked item)

Clerk: “That was a dollar too.”

Customer: (holding up another item) “So how much is this then?”

Clerk: (heavy sigh) “A dollar.” (Short pause for courage I guess) “Ma’am, this is a dollar store. Everything here is a dollar.”

Now once upon a time, during an episode like this in which the customer holds up an entire line of people who are waiting to check their items, I would roll my eyes in my head and say loud enough for others to hear, “You have got to be kidding.”

But for the past thirteen years, I have come to the conclusion that sometimes, people are placed on my path simply for my amusement. Kind of like today. (Oh sure, I still have my “you have got to be kidding” moments but they are short-lived.)

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT: You need to adopt a Resilience Attitude when the time is right. A Resilience Attitude will get you through the tough days with a smile, a chuckle and sometimes a deep-down belly-laugh. The Resilience Attitude will help you weather tough days, tough situations and tough economic times.

The Resilience Attitude has no place for whining, moaning, complaining or blaming. The resilience Attitude simply says, “OK, it happened. Now what?”

It is amazing how many people can fall off of a bicycle and get back up to ride it again. And yet, there are so many others who, when something devastating happen in their lives, they refuse to get back up. Instead they wallow in their circumstances, complain about how they have been hard-done by, share their “victim” story with anyone who will listen and continue to re-live it over and over again.

In fact, people who seek revenge, play guilt games, re-live their regrets and are remorseful for their lives are, in effect, choosing to stay down after falling down. The Resilience Attitude doesn’t allow those who possess it to stay down. People with Resilience Attitude refuse to stay down. The Resilience Attitude helps you bounce back.

Every decision you have ever made in your life has put you exactly where you are today. By being victimized by that, you are not accepting accountability. It means that you do not possess the Resilience Attitude. But if you can accept that where you are in your life today has been a result of every decision you have ever made, then you have the ability to bounce back and succeed despite the “temporary” circumstances. Everything is temporary – nothing is permanent – unless you decide it is permanent.

Now please don’t think that I’m going all “motivational speaker” on you. That’s not it. This is simply an Attitude Adjustment on ‘perspective versus results.’ If you think people want to be entertained by your victim story, then you’re choosing to stay down. People love to laugh. Make other people laugh with your stories. Don’t make them feel your pain. That’s not funny and it’s incredibly rude to force others to sit through your awful story. Make your story have a punch line – not a punch.

So today, when you’re in the line at the grocery store, the coffee shop, stuck in traffic or waiting for your meeting to show up, have a look around for the one thing that has been placed into your life at this moment simply to amuse you. You’ll have an amusing story to tell at the end of your day. It will change your outcome. You’ll have taken the first step into achieving a Resilience Attitude.

So what’s the punch line to your story today?